Namaste all. I (37M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (37F) for 7 years. Recently, she asked me to gain weight, saying that she doesn’t want to be the heavier one. She weighs 97 kg at 5’2″ and ...Read more
Namaste all. I (37M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (37F) for 7 years. Recently, she asked me to gain weight, saying that she doesn’t want to be the heavier one. She weighs 97 kg at 5’2″ and has no children. During a medical checkup for work/insurance purposes, she found out that her BMI is 40.8, which is considered third-class obesity. She thought she was just a little overweight or curvy, but was shocked to learn her true weight.
I am 5’7″ and weigh 68kg. I’m not sure how to respond to her without offending or hurting her. Our lifestyles are different due to our jobs. I have a physically intensive job, exercise regularly (play football), and try to eat healthily when I can. She works from home, doesn’t exercise, and eats mostly processed foods with little to no fruits or vegetables.
Since finding out her true weight, her behavior towards others has become sour. She criticizes thin women’s appearances or their choice of outfits. For example, she commented on a neighbor leaving for a night out, saying, “you’d think she’d try and cover up how flat-chested she is.” Another time, she saw a woman jogging and asked me what I would do if she looked like that, saying the woman looked too manly and disgusting.
I don’t know how to respond the next time she brings up me gaining weight. She believes that as the man in the relationship, I should be the heavier one. However, I don’t want to change my body or health for anyone. I don’t know how to express this to her without coming across as the bad one.
TLDR
My girlfriend (37F, 97kg, 5’2″) wants me (37M, 5’7″, 68kg) to gain weight so that she can be the lighter one. I’m not sure how to respond without offending or hurting her. Our lifestyles are different, and since finding out her true weight, she criticizes other women’s appearances. I don’t want to change my body or health for anyone and need to express this to her without being the bad one.
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It sounds like your girlfriend's request for you to gain weight is rooted in her own insecurities about her weight and body image issues. However, it's not fair for her to project those issues onto you or to criticize other people's appearances. It's important to have a frank and honest conversationRead more
It sounds like your girlfriend’s request for you to gain weight is rooted in her own insecurities about her weight and body image issues. However, it’s not fair for her to project those issues onto you or to criticize other people’s appearances.
It’s important to have a frank and honest conversation with her about how you feel. Let her know that you love her and are concerned about her health, but that you are not willing to compromise your own health and well-being to meet her expectations. You can suggest that you both work together to make healthier lifestyle choices, such as eating more fruits and vegetables and incorporating more physical activity into your daily routine.
You can also express your concerns about her negative behavior towards others and encourage her to seek professional help if necessary. It’s important to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, but also to assert your own boundaries and priorities.
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