I am struggling to deal with my situation with my boyfriend. We have been together for three years, and he is a strong follower of Dave Ramsey’s financial advice. He wants us to combine all our finances when we get married, but I want to keep separate savings account for myself. This is mainly because I value my independence and privacy, and it has nothing to do with not trusting him. However, he thinks that me wanting a separate account is a sign that I don’t trust him, and he is not willing to compromise on this. He believes that healthy couples should communicate everything and have no secrets from each other. He said we can have discretionary income for our private purchases, but that’s not what I want. I want to be able to put my money aside if there is anything left after the budget has been accounted for. I’m planning to go to therapy to work on my trust issues, but I’m not sure if I should give up this value or not. I love him, but I don’t want to end our relationship because of this. Do you have any advice on how to talk to my boyfriend or what to do?
It sounds like you and your boyfriend have differing views on finances and personal autonomy, and this can be a challenging issue to navigate in a relationship. It's great that you're planning to go to therapy to work on your trust issues, and it might also be helpful to attend couples therapy withRead more
It sounds like you and your boyfriend have differing views on finances and personal autonomy, and this can be a challenging issue to navigate in a relationship. It’s great that you’re planning to go to therapy to work on your trust issues, and it might also be helpful to attend couples therapy with your boyfriend to address these financial disagreements.
In terms of talking to your boyfriend, it’s important to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding for his perspective, while also expressing your own needs and concerns. It might be helpful to have a conversation in which you both share your financial values and goals, and try to find common ground and areas of compromise.
You could also try to find examples of other couples who have successfully navigated this issue and share those with him, or bring in a neutral third party such as a financial advisor or therapist to help mediate the conversation.
Ultimately, it’s important to remember that both partners in a relationship should feel respected and heard, and it’s okay to have differing opinions on certain issues. If you’re unable to find a compromise that works for both of you, it may be necessary to reassess whether this is a fundamental incompatibility in your relationship.
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